Post Mortem

For four years and three months i’ve ground my brain into pudding trying to get past college… (assuming that i had a brain worth grinding… Ahaha…) still… During that span of time i had hoped that my academic ultimatum didn’t have to take the form of 500 measly test questions that spanned 2 days to accomplish… (cocky as it sounds… I had hoped for something more gratifying… Haha… =P)…

On the day before the licensure exams, i couldn’t help but wonder…

“what else could i have done during the past four years?!”

Frick ?! I knew that it wasn’t the appropriate time to be thinking of “what-if’s” and “what-could’ve-been’s”… But i just couldn’t help it…

I was caving… and on the day before the exams… (damn-it… Haha…)

It was then that i knew that at that crappy moment in time that it was the beginning of my downfall… (Oooohh… the drama… Lol… XD)

“were those four years really worth it?!”…

Doubting yourself is probably the worst thing that could ever happen to you the day before a really really big exam… (~ambivalence is pretty much my defining quality… Ahaha… =P)

“Why do i have to do this?!”…

“Why did i spend four frickin’ years swimming neck deep in crap?! “…

That same day, i began to receive calls and messages from people wishing me the best and hoping that i would do good in my exams… (And with that i found myself even more confused… Haha…)… i heard from soooooo many people… friends… family… and even from those people whom i haven’t heard from for a really (and i mean really…) long time… Haha…

so how’d my exams go?!…

I really can’t say since i found myself staring into the distance midway of every exam… (I’m totally screwed… aren’t i?!… haha… =P)…

I can’t say that i’m frustrated with what happened… But i can’t say that i’m happy either… (apathy sucks… haha…)

well at least i got through… (hopefully… Haha… XD)

And now that the exams are over… All i can do is wait for the results the come out… and what i do from here-on-end… Is entirely up to me… Hmmm… (What to do… What to do?!!!! Nyahahaha… Wheee!!… XD) but seriously… Having all this time to myself is frustrating… so frustrating that it kinda makes me miss… ~school… *Chough-chough…. CHOKE!!!* (~RIGHT… Ahahaha… XD)

to be really honest… I just miss the people… Haha… ‘coz having no one to piss off is a drag… plus no more eye candy… (haha… but I guess its for the better since i’d probably end up with a restraining order for harassing the freshmen…  Haha… XD)…

i’m not really sure as to where to go from here… But hopefully i get to see the light when the results come out…

(Did i PASS… Or did i FAIL… ~anxiety~… Pffftt!! Ahaha…)…

~i really need some direction in my life… Nyahaha…

… … …

i’m not really sure as to why i wrote this entry… But i guess that i felt that my crap-worthy-blog is in dire need of more crap to spill… Ahaha… (i’ve been watching “So Long… Mr. Despair / Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei” for the past 8 hours… And “mush” pretty much describes how my brain is right now… so don’t bother asking why this entry is whatever it is… Ahaha… ~Its a weird series but it gave me a few laughs…) Ahaha…

Oh… and… I haven’t actually thanked anyone for their support during my exams… So i’d like to take this opportunity to show my appreciation for everyone who wished me the best and hoped that i pass… so that when i do (my ego is killing me… Ahaha…) i’d finally get off my lazy @ss and do something with my life… Haha… Still (~sarcasm aside)… Thanks… Ahaha…

(0_o)

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