No, You Don’t

Doubt ever so often clouds our judgement. Whether it’s when we’re trying something new or sticking with the way we usually do things,  it usually finds an opening where it can eerily creep through.

It’s the strange feeling you get that’s born out of uneasiness mixed with just a hint of excitement then graciously topped off with a fine unsweetened helping of fear.

It’s the prefect recipe for an evening out with disaster, wouldn’t you agree?!

Essentially it’s that fork down the road where you would find yourself making good use out of loose change to rationalize deliberations as to whether or not the path you’re about to choose leads you to where you want to be.

The tricky bit is that no matter how many times you would try to justify your decision, the repercussions will always find ways to break even.

In the first place, why would anyone want to put themselves in a position of blatant self contradiction?

Some say it’s simply an inevitability.

To an extent, yes.

But I would like to believe in something more. Something that would make all the fear and uncertainty seem like a formality before achieving something great…  Something worthwhile…

Doubt is a means for us to go above and beyond ourselves.  To push our limits and simply serve as a reminder that we are human and that we hurt too.

And it is because we are human that we indulge in nurturing a myriad of smoke and mirrors.

It shields us from pain.

Why venture into the unknown when it’s very likely that we can get hurt?

It wraps us in comfort.

Why must we move when we’re doing just fine where we stand?

It blinds us with the illusion of misery.

Why should we hold on to something that’s too good to be true?

Simple, really.

It’s because we’re afraid to be happy.

More often than not we get that gut feeling that happiness rarely comes without a catch.

That’s why sometimes, the best course of action is simply to dive in and see if you float…

To Be or Not To Be, Why Not Both?

Have you ever heard of “Schrodinger’s Cat”? If not, let me try and give you as brief of an overview as I can.

First of all, “Schrodinger” would be an awesome name for a cat (right?!). Otherwise, it really didn’t matter what his name was (haha).

“Schrodinger’s Cat” is a reference to a thought experiment wherein if the said cat were to be placed inside a bunker along with an explosive that had a 50/50 chance of going off, and without looking inside the bunker, determine whether or not the cat has met its demise.

Take note, that to avoid any wise cracks that may come from people implying the logic that “if the bomb did go off, you would’ve at least felt a tremor through the walls”, I’ll just go ahead and say that the entire bunker is reinforced with 10 ft thick concrete walls lined with Adamantium railing double coated in semi-liquefied Vibranium therefore making any method of detonation detection from outside the bunker irrelevant and implausible (I’m neither a seismologist nor an expert in acoustics, in short… :P … hahaha).

Well, it was either that or a biochemical nerve gas that paralyzes your entire body that causes you to lose vital functions inclusive of spontaneous respiration and the production of heart beats (which we all probably know are required for both humans and felines to carry out the natural phenomena that we all like to call “life”… :3) – you decide… haha

Okay, back to  making a point…

Did the cat:

a) Roll over and go belly up for all eternity

or

b) Jump at you after opening the bunker hatch for making it sit through a whole day of nothing (implying that the cat is alive… duh)

At the time of contemplation, both answers are inherently true.

But in reality, there can only be one. The cat is either alive or deceased. In the negative sense, it would also be true that “the cat is neither alive nor deceased”. It can only be one or the other, primarily because reality only comes into fruition once it has been observed to be true.

Ergo, the singular conclusion that you would have to agree with is to “go and see it for yourself”.

Now comes the dilemma.

You never actually get the chance to open the bunker.

~ END :3

... DISCLAIMER …

No such felines or any other animals have been harmed during the production of this piece nor does the author have access or knowledge to the location of the cited fallout bunker and is in no means in possession of bombs or biochemical nerve gases that may be affiliated with acts of terrorism. This piece is entirely a product of the authors ingenuity and is no means related to objects, persons, animals, places, or events (past, present, and future) which may hold semblance in real life. Any similarities will be held as coincidences and in no way will the author hold any liability on any claims made.

The purpose of this piece was merely to entertain and to conduct another thought experiment to see whether or not people still have nothing else better to do than to read this blog and mess with their heads. ;3

Lie Like You Mean It

every lie is a truth in the making. whether or not you choose to believe is entirely up to you.

on some occasions, people prefer to hold on to a lie. not because they are unaware of the truth but because the truth may sometimes be too bitter to swallow.

and living in your own fictionalized reality is often an escape from what reality really is – harsh, cruel, and unforgiving.

now i’m not saying that there isn’t any good left to look forward to in the world. it’s just that it’s hard to see the bigger picture when your view is obscured with a huge pile of crap.

i know that a lie will always be a lie, no matter what its end may be. still, every now and then we need to feel the awesomeness that goes along with a win. it may not be as glorified as doing something realistically epic, but hey, we’re human and we need to feel the love (hahaha ;p).

if you’re grossly in opposition to the idea of being lied to, then think about this…

why do people take the time to read volumes of literature?

and why would they wait in line at the theaters for a reasonably kick-ass movie like ..”Iron Man”?

why?!…

because people need to dream.

and dreams are simply  made-up realities, so essentially, they aren’t any different from lies. (semantics… pffft… hahaha).

you can choose to be whoever you want to be and feel whatever you want to feel. but just be careful not to drive yourself over the edge (because there is a limit to how delusional one can get before being clinically diagnosed… hehehe)

and when it comes to lies, it isn’t as easy as black and white. rather, it’s more like trying to figure out which one has the lighter shade of gray (and if you’re color blind… then… you’re pretty much f***ed… hahaha).

but i won’t stop you from trying… hahaha…

… … …

“Lie to me…”

Sleep and the Lack Thereof

Yesterday, I woke up from a good dream, awesome even. Now, I find myself awake at 3 am, unable to find my sleep and unable to find something to do that’s considerably worthwhile.

Eventually, after 30 minutes or so, I realize that I’ve just been staring at the screen… and that my eyes hurt…

I wanted to do something… something a lot more interesting than staying up late and raiding the fridge for what appears to be cake (note: it looks good but kinda smells though… ahhh… wth… hehe)…

In the end I was reminded of something… I think it dates back to about 4-5 years ago but I guess its better than trolling vids… (man I’m getting old..)

Even so, having found out that it was still online was awesome. Seeing as it was product of yours truly back in the day (ugh… I’m beginning to sound like an old man too.. Pffft! ). It was supposed to be a project that kept a database of students which was probably going to be used to track us after we got out of high school… well that was the original project…

Instead, we tweaked out a message board and pawned it off as the project. It was approved and we graduated… simple (>:3)…

The board was originally intended to keep the group together after high school. But after a while we decided… “why stop there?”… Soon enough we found ourselves hosting relevant discussions on how to end world hunger and finally unite the world in peace.. We were seriously ahead of our time… :P

But more importantly, we were probably the only board to ever hit the 30,000 post mark solely on SPAM… hahaha

Introductions aside, looking back on what went on in our heads at the time was fun… what amused me the most was that what we did for kicks didn’t necessarily have a great deal of depth.  And the interesting part was that they were funny despite the lack of it, depth I mean.

The fascinating thing about our friendships / relationships is that we don’t really need a concrete connection to understand and get along with one another. So how do we do it?! We really don’t know exactly. We just do… I guess that we’re just that awesome… lol…

The thing is. Most people define their relationships with the number of memories that they have had. Well that’s partially true… but if we’re talking about facts, then in all honesty I believe that memories will eventually fade. Even if you were lucky enough to remember, you’re probably going to recall only the big ups and downs. Well that’s good, but how about the in-betweens? Though its good to have your friends on every hill and valley in your life, the awesome-est friendships that you could ever have are those that stuck around and saw the whole thing through.

So how do we define these relationships then?!

The number of photos? Laughs caught on video? If you were given those answers, would you feel satisfied? Guess not.

To be fair, I don’t really have a solid answer either… but I can give you my best guess…

And its that the people who’re awesome enough to be called our friends aren’t our friends just because we spend a lot of time with them. They are… simply because they give us a good feeling…  (of course that would also depend of your definition of good… :3)… and you’ll realize that whatever memories you’ve shared… were only details… ;3

 … … …

Oh… and if you were curious bout the dream I had mentioned…

I guess that’s a story for some other time…

Around We Go

Doing absolutely nothing is kinda awesome… it gives you time away from the usual grind of our fast paced lifestyles. It may not seem as productive as ending world hunger or anything… but hey… life is just too much fun to live through without having to bear the weight of the world…

Everyday, we try to convince ourselves that there’s meaning in everything that we do. But when you think about it, the only reason why anything has any meaning at all is because we tailor our perspectives in a way that’s indiscernibly appropriate to our needs. [Big stuff huh?! We’ll it’s kinda simple really… but lemme try and break down those big words for  yah (hehe… ;3)]

Indiscernibly appropriate…

Let me first ask you this, when we find meaning in our achievements,  in our relationships, or even in the objects that hold our sentiments… do we really understand “why” they hold the meanings that they do?!… At some point… you might even say yes… but given a few seconds for things to sink in…  you’d probably give it a second thought?!

On most days, you’d say to yourself… “it was worth it”… on some days you’d be thinking otherwise… and on others… well… let’s just say that you did things for the sake of doing something… (hmmm… probably the thought of being idle for too long is starting to get to me… lol… hahaha…)

Here’s a better example… (I hope… hehe… =P)… Ahem ahem… So you’re going through life right (duh… hehe… XD)… then suddenly one day, you find yourself in hiatus… you don’t know what you’re doing… or why you were doing what you do… now given the situation you’ve probably  made your way into a mundane spiral… doing whatever for God knows how long… but you still do it… Why?… If you’ve found yourself going in circles… why bother… you work your @$$ off day in and day out and for what (being a bum is no exception… hehe…)?! You wake up the next morning only to find yourself doing the same thing you’ve been doing yesterday, 3 months ago, or even 5 years back… so then… Why?…

Even if you’ve racked up tons of trophies for the peaks in your life… what are they really for?!… Sure you’d probably argue that the reason as to why you’ve worked sooo hard is because you love doing whatever it is that you do… but then again you’d probably just be doing it for the recognition… think about it… if you sincerely love what you’re doing it wouldn’t matter if people never paid you any attention… and come to think of it… you wouldn’t really describe doing something you love as “hard”… (well… ideally at least… hehe…)

So again I ask… why do we do what we do?!…

So—we— can— go— to— — — —HEAVEN!!!!
(not really… I just wanted to get that out of my head… I’m not entirely sure what kind of stuff goes on in there…  but hey… its an awesome state of mind… haha…. ;3)

Seriously…  Everything I’ve written down up to this point is a load of bs… and that I’ve never really gotten to the answer… I know… but at least the question as to “why?” still stands (I don’t really have much of  a solid understanding myself but at least we can leave it up to our subconscious to do the dirty work… :p), most probably… it never really had an answer… or maybe it was never really a question to begin with… hehe… ;3

People tend to create things supported by reasons we could or couldn’t even imagine… be it mind boggling questions… or dare I say it… religion!!! Booom!!! (Thanks Bro for not smiting me for writing this down… you’re one Legen… wait for it… DARY…  Bro… hahahaha… XD)… so I guess we just do things for the sake of what they are…

things to do…

Take this blog entry for example… I didn’t really rant on a heavy topic to prove a point… I just ranted…

and it feels Gooooooooodddd… hahaha…

… … …

“I’m not sure what this is… but an “F” would only dignify it…” ;3

Light. Peace. Love.

It took a really long time for me to try and grasp what I really wanted (in the past)… (or want… I could still be looking you know… tenses… blah!… hehe)… ‘coz it turns out that my neediness tends to change from time to time… but if I ever learned anything from my self discovery, it would be that the goals that you choose for yourself aren’t absolute… the standards you set could either be reduced… heightened… or even revised completely… my point (finally… XD) is that time changes everything… it doesn’t stop or slow down even if it is to lengthen the lives of those on their death beds…

So with the limited time that we’ve been given I’m thinking that it might not be possible to meet all our plans with success… plus considering that life doesn’t always give us what we want (Pfffft!… :P) …  I guess it would be safe to keep our version of reality in check…

Now I’m not saying that it’s wrong dream… what I meant is that not all dreams come true… and what I’m really trying to say is that the dreams that don’t make it into reality are much more important than those that did… (confused?!… GOOD! Hahaha… ) okay… since you’ve made it this far into my blog I guess it would be fair to bring my epiphany to light…

The reason as to why the dreams that don’t come true are more important than those that did is that these are the dreams that keep you moving forwardget it?!… although witnessing the happy ending to your dream feels great… probably  awesome even… eventually that feeling will fade and you will soon realize that the moment will be far behind you… and if you want to compensate with the quantity of dream-come-true-s you’ve got… it wouldn’t make that much of a difference…

So after getting to the end of the rainbowwhat next?

Moving from one dream to another is no good…’coz if you did…  you wouldn’t be any different from a machine processing spam… lol… having that one distant dream to motivate you while time passes you by is probably the best thing that you could ever get in a lifetime… having that, you at least get the bragging rights to say that you’re living for something… it doesn’t really matter what… the important thing is that you’re living… an unachievable long term goal may seem unreasonable… but at least it’s never short-lived… ;3

So… the unreachable dream?!

You might be thinking that it might be a bit depressing to have a dream but never actually see the end to it… we’ll it could be… but for me I’d like to think that it’s only a matter of perspective… and more often than not… it’s more important to understand how you see something rather than knowing what you’re actually looking at… (another metaphor… ugh… actually… no… just take that statement as it is… hehe…)

My dream?!…

“If it wasn’t for the natural law of gravity… I would fly…

Absurd as my dream may be, it pretty much explains what I want… (of course… I meant it as a metaphor… :P… but seriously… even without the semantics… it’s really an awesome dream… ;3)… by “gravity” I meant anything holding me back… and by “flying” I meant the reward of going wherever the wind takes me… (I guess I still have a lot of explaining to do… but I’m hoping that by now you were able to get the gist of where I’m going with my circumferential crap… hehe)

… … …

Even in a cage… a bird can create his own sky…

On Mercury: You Jump Then Fail

People have a tendency of taking me lightly… I know that at times I put off a haughty atmosphere with a few loose screws here and there… but hey… I’m just doing my best to get by…

In the face of a predicament you’d often find me with an odd grin even if the situation calls for the tense air of seriousness… but I am serious?! Why is that so hard to understand?! Can one really be judged on the perception of others? I mean no one really knows the intentions of a person until he or she truthfully exposes them… so whether I smile while being scolded or burst out into laughter during a funeral… would it be fair to call me insane?

Conventionally… yes… (;p)

But if a funny idea popped into my line of thought I couldn’t see why I should keep it to myself… it’s rude I guess… but given the situation… what are we to do? The sad event has passed and there’s nothing more we can do… by now you’re probably thinking that I’m the kind of person who disrespects the memories of those whom others wish to be honored… but in my defense I don’t see how sulking is any better… so I guess I’m sticking to my own methods… hehe…

All people grieve… I get that… it’s just that I choose to grieve moving forward…

People die… and that’s a fact… the only questions worth asking are when and where… wouldn’t it be great to plan out your death? How would you want to die? Dying is a scary thought… I know… but we’ll eventually have to play that scene… and given that the knowledge of when and where… we are at least given the luxury of how to play it out… (and yes… I do have awesome ways planned… and it’s a good thing that most them don’t involve a painful ending… hehe…)

Now… when you do die (hopefully not any time soon… hehe)… how would you like to be remembered? Naturally, you’d like everyone to have a memory of the awesome life that you’ve lived… but do you want to see them crying over you? Let’s face it… we spend our lives living… and basically this means getting through life as happy as possible… of course it wouldn’t be right if we were the only ones having a blast… it’s pretty nice to have those times in good company… so with that said… would you like to be soaked in tears (of your friends and family…) at your own funeral? I guess that it would be doubtful…

So whenever I shoot a smile at a funeral every now and then realize that I’m doing so because I remembered that I was a part of the life that the recently deceased once lived… and that I’m glad to have helped that person growing up ’til the very end… but I’m even happier that even after passing, that person would still want me to live on… even if means living on without them…

… … …

“Sometimes you have to die twice before you can say that you’ve truly lived”